10 Unhelpful Habits That Lower Your Self Esteem

For a long time, I thought self-esteem was a selfish trait, along the lines of thinking too highly of yourself. But I’ve changed my mind on that issue and realized that holding yourself in the right regard is an important part of having healthy, helpful emotions. It affects so many things downstream—how you treat others, how hard you work, and even how resilient you are in the face of challenges. When your self-esteem is in a good place, you’re more likely to take risks, push yourself toward growth, and show up for others in a meaningful way. But when it’s low, everything feels heavier. Even small obstacles can feel like proof that you’re not good enough.

Over time, I’ve noticed that self-esteem isn’t something that just happens—it’s shaped by daily habits. The way you talk to yourself, the people you surround yourself with, and the choices you make all play a role in whether you feel confident and capable or stuck in a cycle of self-doubt. I’ve also learned that certain habits, even ones that seem harmless, can quietly chip away at self-esteem without you even realizing it. If you’ve ever struggled with self-worth, it might be worth taking a closer look at these patterns. Here are 10 unhelpful habits that can lower your self-esteem—and what you can do to break free from them.

1. Negative self-talk

The way you talk to yourself shapes your self-perception, and if that inner voice is constantly critical, it can be incredibly damaging. Telling yourself things like “I’m not smart enough” or “I’ll never get it right” reinforces feelings of inadequacy. Over time, these thoughts become automatic, making it even harder to believe in yourself.

Try this instead: Start noticing when you’re being self-critical and challenge those thoughts. If you wouldn’t say it to a friend, don’t say it to yourself. Instead of thinking, “I always fail,” try “I’m still learning, and mistakes are part of the process.” The more you practice self-compassion, the more natural it will feel.

2. Comparing yourself to others

It’s easy to fall into the trap of measuring your success, appearance, or happiness against others—especially with social media constantly showcasing people’s best moments. When you compare your behind-the-scenes reality to someone else’s highlight reel, you’ll almost always feel like you’re falling short. This constant comparison can make you feel like you’re never good enough, no matter how much you accomplish.

Try this instead: Shift your focus from competition to self-improvement. Instead of asking, “Why am I not as successful as them?” try “How have I grown compared to where I was a year ago?” Everyone has a different path, and the only person you should measure yourself against is your past self.

3. Seeking approval from others

If your self-worth depends on the validation of others, you’ll always feel like you’re chasing approval. Whether it’s trying to please your boss, partner, or social circle, relying on external validation can make you feel like your value is conditional. The problem is, you can’t control what others think, and trying to please everyone is exhausting and unrealistic.

Try this instead: Learn to trust your own judgment and value your own opinions. When making decisions, ask yourself, “What do I truly want?” instead of “What will make others happy?” The more you validate yourself, the less you’ll need others to do it for you.

4. Avoiding challenges for fear of failure

Sticking to what’s comfortable might feel safe, but avoiding challenges can reinforce the belief that you’re not capable. If you never push yourself to try new things, you’ll never prove to yourself that you can handle them. This fear of failure keeps you stuck, preventing you from growing and achieving what you’re truly capable of.

Try this instead: Reframe failure as a stepping stone to success. Every successful person has failed multiple times—it’s how they learned and improved. Instead of thinking, “What if I fail?” ask yourself, “What if I succeed?” Even if you don’t get it right the first time, you’ll gain valuable experience that will help you improve.

5. Dwelling on past mistakes

It’s easy to replay past mistakes over and over, thinking about what you should have done differently. While learning from the past is valuable, constantly beating yourself up over it keeps you stuck in a cycle of guilt and regret. Holding onto these negative feelings reinforces the idea that you’re defined by your past, which can make it difficult to move forward.

Try this instead: Accept that mistakes are a normal part of life and growth. When you catch yourself dwelling on a past mistake, ask, “What can I learn from this?” and then consciously shift your focus back to the present. Your past does not define you—how you move forward does.

6. Ignoring your own needs

If you constantly put others first while neglecting yourself, it sends the message that your needs aren’t as important. While being kind and generous is a great quality, it shouldn’t come at the expense of your own well-being. Over time, ignoring your own needs can leave you feeling exhausted, unappreciated, and disconnected from yourself.

Try this instead: Make self-care a priority. Set boundaries and give yourself permission to say no when necessary. Taking care of yourself—whether through rest, hobbies, or quiet time—is not selfish; it’s essential. When you prioritize your own well-being, you’ll have more energy and love to give to others.

7. Staying in toxic relationships

The people you surround yourself with have a huge impact on your self-esteem. If you’re around people who constantly belittle, criticize, or manipulate you, their negativity can start to feel like the truth. You may begin to believe that you deserve to be treated poorly, which can chip away at your confidence and sense of self-worth.

Try this instead: Take an honest look at your relationships. Do they build you up or tear you down? Surround yourself with people who encourage and support you. If someone consistently makes you feel bad about yourself, it may be time to set boundaries or distance yourself from them.

8. Over-apologizing

Apologizing when you’ve made a mistake is a good thing, but constantly saying “I’m sorry” for things that aren’t your fault can make you seem less confident and reinforce the idea that you’re always in the wrong. If you frequently apologize for things like taking up space, asking a question, or expressing your feelings, you might be undermining your own self-worth.

Try this instead: Pay attention to how often you say “I’m sorry” and replace it with more confident language. Instead of saying, “Sorry for bothering you,” try “Thanks for your time.” This small shift can make a big difference in how you see yourself and how others perceive you.

9. Procrastinating on important goals

When you keep putting off things that matter to you—whether it’s starting a project, working on your fitness, or applying for a new job—it can reinforce feelings of self-doubt. Procrastination is often rooted in fear: fear of failure, fear of imperfection, or even fear of success. The longer you delay taking action, the more you start to believe that you’re incapable of achieving your goals.

Try this instead: Break big goals into small, manageable steps and focus on just starting. Even a tiny step forward is better than staying stuck. Progress builds confidence, and the more you take action, the more capable you’ll feel.

10. Neglecting your physical and mental well-being

Your body and mind are deeply connected, and when you’re not taking care of yourself, it’s hard to feel confident. Lack of sleep, poor nutrition, and not moving your body can lead to low energy, mood swings, and increased stress—all of which can take a toll on your self-esteem.

Try this instead: Make small, sustainable changes to improve your overall well-being. Prioritize sleep, move your body in a way that feels good, and nourish yourself with foods that make you feel energized. Taking care of yourself physically and mentally will naturally boost your confidence and self-worth.

Recognizing these habits is the first step to breaking the cycle of self-doubt. By making small shifts in how you treat yourself, talk to yourself, and show up in your life, you can start building self-esteem that isn’t easily shaken. You deserve to feel confident and capable—start making the choices that reflect that truth.