10 signs someone is in love with you but trying to play it cool

Love is a complex emotion, often hard to understand and even more challenging to interpret when it’s directed towards us.

But here’s the thing: sometimes people are in love with you but they try to play it cool, and that can be a real mind-bender.

The good news? Psychology has some answers for us. It turns out there are certain signs that someone might be in love with you while trying to act nonchalant.

And while we’re not all gifted with the ability to read minds, we can certainly get better at reading subtle cues.

So, let’s dive in and explore these ten signs someone may be head over heels for you, but doing their best to keep it under wraps.

It’s not going to be an exact science, but hey, every little bit of insight helps when navigating the terrain of human emotions and relationships.

1) They’re always around, even when it’s not convenient

There’s a common saying in psychology: “Actions speak louder than words.” This phrase holds a lot of truth when deciphering someone’s feelings towards you.

Many people can say sweet words, but it’s the ones who show up, the ones who make themselves available even when it’s not easy or convenient, who often hold deeper feelings.

You see, love isn’t just about grand gestures or passionate declarations; it’s also about those tiny, consistent actions.

As the renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction, not a destination.”

This quote can be applied to love as well. Love is not just a feeling; it’s an ongoing process reflected in everyday actions.

So if you notice your friend is always there, ready to lend a hand or just spend time with you irrespective of the circumstances, then they might be trying to play it cool while harboring deeper feelings for you.

2) They remember the little things

One day, I casually mentioned my love for caramel popcorn during a group conversation. It was just a passing comment, nothing significant.

But a week later, my friend showed up at my door with a bag of freshly made caramel popcorn. It was then I realized that this friend might have feelings for me.

They were paying attention to the little things, the details that everyone else overlooked.

This is often a sign of someone in love who is trying to keep it low-key. They pay attention to your likes, dislikes, habits, and preferences. They remember your stories and bring them up in future conversations.

Sigmund Freud, the founding father of psychoanalysis, once said, “No mortal can keep a secret. If his lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore.”

The same holds true for love. Even when someone is trying to hide their feelings, their actions often give them away.

So if you notice someone remembering small details about you or making subtle gestures based on your preferences, they may be in love with you but trying to play it cool.

3) They defend you, even when you’re not around

Love isn’t just about being there during the good times; it’s also about standing up for someone when they’re not there to defend themselves.

It’s about protecting their reputation and their honor, even when they don’t know it.

I’ve seen this happen numerous times; someone hears a false rumor or an unflattering comment about the person they secretly love and, without a second thought, they jump to their defense.

It’s an instinctive reaction, a protective urge that comes from deep feelings of affection.

This defense mechanism aligns with what famous psychologist Abraham Maslow said in his hierarchy of needs theory.

He stated that safety and security come right after physiological needs, indicating the importance of feeling protected and secure in any form of relationship, be it platonic or romantic.

If you find out someone has been defending you or standing up for you behind your back, there’s a good chance they are in love with you but are trying to play it cool.

Their protective actions speak volumes about their hidden feelings.

4) They’re more touchy-feely with you

When someone is in love, they often have a hard time keeping their hands to themselves. It’s not always about big, romantic gestures.

Sometimes, it’s the subtle touch on your arm during a conversation, the gentle nudge when you’re laughing together, or the comforting pat on your back during tough times.

I’ve been there myself. A friend who would innocently drape an arm around my shoulders or give my hand a quick squeeze during an intense movie scene.

It took me a while to understand that these weren’t just friendly gestures; they were signs of deeper feelings.

Renowned psychologist Albert Bandura once said, “People not only gain understanding through reflection, they evaluate and alter their own thinking.”

This quote rings true in this context as well. Reflecting on these subtle signs can shed light on what the other person is truly feeling.

If you notice that a friend is more touchy-feely with you than with others, it could be one of the signs they are in love with you but trying to play it cool.

5) They might tease you more than others

It may seem counterintuitive, but people trying to hide their feelings often tease or lightly make fun of the person they’re in love with. It’s almost like they are trying to cover their true feelings with humor or playfulness.

I remember a situation where a friend kept cracking jokes at my expense.

It was all in good fun, but the frequency was definitely higher compared to others. It took me a while to realize that it was their way of expressing affection without being too obvious.

Psychologist Leon Festinger’s cognitive dissonance theory comes into play here.

According to him, when our actions don’t align with our feelings, it creates a state of tension, and we try to reduce this discomfort by changing our behavior or perception.

Teasing could be a way of relieving this tension for someone in love but trying to keep it cool.

If someone teases you more than others, don’t be quick to dismiss it as mere friendly banter. It could be one of the signs that they are in love with you but trying to navigate their feelings cautiously.

6) They’re suddenly interested in your interests

When someone develops feelings for you, they often take an interest in the things that you are passionate about.

It isn’t a mere coincidence if they suddenly start liking the same music as you, or become fascinated by the same books or hobbies that you enjoy.

This is more than just common ground; it’s an attempt to understand and connect with you on a deeper level.

Psychologist Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love suggests that intimacy, which involves feelings of closeness and connectedness, is one of the three components of love.

Sharing interests and hobbies can foster this feeling of intimacy.

So, if someone you know starts showing an unexpected interest in your passions, they might be falling for you while trying to maintain a casual facade.

7) They notice and appreciate your changes

There’s a certain kind of beauty in someone noticing the subtle changes in you.

Whether it’s a new haircut, a slightly different style of clothing, or even a change in your usual routine, the fact that they notice means they’re paying attention.

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I remember when I started learning to play guitar, a friend noticed the callouses on my fingers.

They asked about it, listened to my newly found passion, and appreciated my effort. That’s when I realized this wasn’t just ordinary friendship.

Famous psychologist Erik Erikson said, “In the social jungle of human existence, there is no feeling of being alive without a sense of identity.”

When someone notices your changes, it means they’re invested in your identity and growth.

So if someone starts observing and appreciating your changes, it could be a sign that they are in love with you but trying to play it cool.

8) They’re there for you, even during tough times

Life isn’t always rainbows and butterflies; it throws curveballs at us. And who sticks around during these tough times can tell us a lot about their feelings for us.

When someone loves you silently, they’ll stand by you, even when things get difficult. They’ll lend an ear when you need to vent, offer a shoulder when you need to cry, and provide comfort when you’re feeling low.

As the notable psychologist Rollo May once said, “The opposite of courage in our society is not cowardice, it’s conformity.”

Loving someone without expressing it openly requires a sort of courage, a willingness to be there without expectation or promise of reciprocity.

So if someone is sticking by your side during challenging times, chances are they’re in love with you but trying their best to play it cool.

9) They might act indifferent towards you

This one might seem utterly counterintuitive, but it’s not uncommon for a person to act indifferent or even distant when they’re in love but trying to play it cool.

Acting aloof can be a protective mechanism, a way to hide their true feelings and prevent themselves from getting hurt.

It’s like they’re trying to maintain a safe distance until they’re sure of their feelings or your response.

Psychologist Sigmund Freud’s defense mechanisms theory comes into play here. According to Freud, we unconsciously use these mechanisms to protect ourselves from feelings of anxiety or guilt.

So if you’re wondering why that friend is acting indifferent, don’t be too quick to assume they’re not interested. They might just be in love with you but trying to keep their emotions under wraps.

10) They make future plans with you

We all have that friend who casually talks about future plans involving the two of you.

It could be something as simple as a movie that’s coming out next month or a concert happening next year. This subtle sign could mean they see you in their future, indicating deeper feelings.

I’ve had a friend who would often mention how we should visit this quaint little town or that food festival in the future. It took me a while to realize that these weren’t just idle talks; they were signs of his hidden affection.

In the words of famous psychologist Carl Jung, “We cannot change anything until we accept it.”

Acknowledging these signs can be the first step towards understanding someone’s feelings for you.

If someone is consistently making future plans with you, they might be in love with you but trying to keep their feelings on the down-low.