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They warn us that a long term marriage can be difficult that it is not always a picnic and that it has many ups and downs. These challenges will confront even the strongest and happiest marriage. Here is the lessons for successful married life.
Marry someone a lot like you: Similarity in core values and background is the key to a happy marriage. And forget about changing someone after marriage.
Friendship is as important as romantic love: Heart thumping passion has to undergo a metamorphosis in lifelong relationships. Marry someone for whom you feel deep friendship as well as love.
Do not keep score: Do not take the attitude that marriage must always be a fifty-fifty proposition you cannot get out exactly what you put in. The key to success is having both partners try to give more than they get out of the relationship.
Talk to each other: Marriage to the strong, silent type can be deadly to a relationship. Long term married partners are talkers.
Do not just commit to your partner: Make a commitment to the idea of marriage and take it seriously. There are enormous benefits to seeing the marriage as bigger than the immediate needs of each partner.
There is one saying many of the experts used that goes to the heart of these lesson. I came to expect it when I asked for their advice about now to have a long and happy marriage. It might come at the beginning, it might come at the end. It was not usually the main point and often it popped up as an afterthought. But if there was on ubiquitous recommendation about marriage it was this. Do not go to bad angry.
Why, of all the things we can do to keep a marriage strong, is it so important to make sure anger is put to bed before we are? As I began to look over my own experience. I had to admit that, yes, there might be a special problem about going to sleep while still stewing over a marital garment. Although one can master the energy to spar and quarrel throughout an entire day, there is indeed something about experiencing disappointment, resentment, even furry in the most intimate of pace. It just feel wrong. The end of the ay means that every soon someone is going to have the last word and someone will be deeply hurt and there will be nowhere further along the read to travel.
The experts are telling us something profound, namely, most things that couples disagree upon are not worth more than a day’s combat. Feel the pressure of the close of the day and let it push you toward a resolution where you feel ready or not. Perhaps you can decide for whom the issue is most important and allow that person to win. Let your feeling out in a letter that is never sent. Establish that the issue is really small stuff and let it go. Accept that there is a serious issue that need to be dealt with and at the end of the day agree out a plan for future discussion. Whatever can be done, do it before the lights go out.
